Past caring about passing

I’m a non-binary trans person physically ‘transitioning’ and living in the NE of England. I ‘came out’ a number of years ago and subsequently lost family and home. Underemployed on a zero hour contract that pays so little, I now live in fuel poverty in subsidised social housing and eat food supplied by a food bank. But I am thankful that I am no longer homeless; aged 52 I spent six months through the Winter and Spring of 2015/16 rough sleeping. What I wake to is fear of eviction if I can’t pay my rent – it forecloses my life to the extent that I fantasize about making myself homeless again just to escape that pervasive fear. After paying rent, council tax, electricity, water and outstanding debts I have less than £7 per week to live on. I was once an academic.